A Mothers Bond
by eireschilde77
Summary: When you bring a child into this world they say you are filled with a love and longing so intense it can bring you to your knees


When you bring a child into this world they say you are filled with a love and longing so intense it can bring you to your knees.

In that one second your life changes unalterably, you fully belong to another person that for the rest of your life will have a claim to you as strong as the binds of heaven.

But what happens when your life is already changed before the conception of that child has even taken place?

When you are told the sex, destiny and even the name of the child that you hadn't even thought about creating and told that the rest of your life will be spent in servitude to that child, teaching him, training, him, preparing him for a war you couldn't even contemplate a year ago and that now wakes you up sweating and screaming with images that wont leave your mind.

Does this alter the bond that is supposed to take place in those first brief seconds when you hold your child and look into their face when you search for the resemblances to you and those you love.

Sarah Conner thought so.

In the first few moment of John's life she had looked at him and seen the eyes of her mother. That warm loving gentle woman who had baked cookies with milk when her 20 year old daughter had come to visit. Who had wiped away her daughters tears when Chad Tennings had broken her heart at 11 by refusing to share his sweets. The wonderful bright, funny woman who's life had been snuffed out in an instant.

The first casualty of a war yet to take place.

Upon closer inspection she had recognised Kyle's mouth and the tuft of hair that was the exact same shade as her knight in shining armour who had travelled through space to protect this child from the harm others would do it. Who had died protecting the child in her arms without ever having known what life and real love could feel like.

He had travelled across time for Sarah he said, but she knew his real passion was in his mission, in ensuring that John Conner, his leader, his mentor, his God, lived to fight the fight. John had been his real passion and that was without knowing that he was his son.

She wondered briefly what Kyle would have thought that morning when she stood outside the abortion clinic debating about whether or not she was going in.

In her heart she knew that she would never truly consider it. She was just angry at the circumstances that forced her into this position. No-one had ever asked her if she wanted to be the mother of the future, no-one asked her if she wanted a son. Noone had prepared her for this.

She thought about Ginger. She would have adored the baby, would have been dragging Sarah round botiques to buy booties and knits from Ralph Lauren. She would have told Sarah it was ok on the nights when the idea of being any type of mother let alone mother of the future had terrified her into blank silence.

Ginger would have been her rock.

Just like she had always been ever since their first meeting in 4th Grade when Sarah had moved to LA after the sudden shocking death of her father. Ginger would have seen it as one big adventure.

Ginger, Kyle, Mom

The three people in the world that Sarah loved the most, the only people in her world that she wanted with her right at this moment celebrating the birth of her first child, and not only were they gone, this child in her arms was the reason they were gone.

She had waited, seconds, minutes each one stretching until they felt like they were filling the room. She looked at the tiny form in her arms and she felt the burden of our duty set around her shoulders. She felt protective and responsible. She wondered………

if love would come.

Courage, Honour, Loyalty, Strength, Conviction

Words that soldiers live by.

Words and beliefs on which battle grounds can be won and lost

Words Sarah had been teaching her child around the time most mothers taught patty cake.

Sarah had never doubted how important John was to her. He was the reason for her existing, her reason for getting up in the morning, the reason she kept on fighting.

He was what made her special, set her out from everyone else.

She would die for him

But so would many. The boy she was raising would turn into a man that many would lay down their lives for. Sarah really was just another of Johns soldiers, she had just been brought to him a different way. A mother, the ultimate protector. Fate it would seem is not without it's sense of irony.

In a way it was better that she felt this detachment. It made it easier when he wanted to play games, that those shining eyes of his had no chance of penetrating the wall around her heart. Made it easier to be tough on him. To insist he train, learn, to drag him from country to country preparing for the war ahead.

Sarah listened to the man as his voice drifted over her. In places she heard certain words.

Break

Irrevocable

Parental bond

She knew these papers meant nothing. Her bond with John Conner was already broken. Her part in training the soldier was done really. If she was meant to teach him anything else fate wouldn't have allowed her to get caught, her work here was done.

Sarah signed the papers and allowed them to lead her away. She didn't look back.

Sarah looked at the photographs, the man who had haunted her dreams for 10 years. The one constant blind hate in her life. It was staring straight back at her. The reason she had fought so hard and so long to train John, to protect him, and it was back, and this time she knew she was of no consequence to the machine. This time it would concentrate on John.

Her job wasn't over, the reprieve hadn't been delivered, the fight was still to come.

It was time to leave

A blank space, void, full of nothingness, for a while she wondered what the point of her exsitance was.

If there no judgement day to prepare for then why was she still here.

She moved on with life, as did John, she gave him his fathers name, she got a job as a paramedic, met a man named Charlie.

He wasn't Kyle, but then again, how many war torn soldiers from the future sent back to save mankind does a girl meet in a lifetime.

Life was normal, sometimes even repetitive.

Sarah started to notice new things. They were acting like a family. They went to movies, played monopoly, Sarah sulked when she lost. Sarah hadn't had a nightmare in years.

She noticed the biggest change the day John came home from school. He was quiet, he sat through dinner and didn't crack a smile through any of Charlies jokes. Barely noticed when Sarah took his plate away, food untouched.

Sarah noticed Charlie's look of concern.

Sarah gently clipped John on the back of the head, "ok little guy, you wash, I'll dry."

Over dishes Sarah learned the full story. The pretty girl with the blonde hair and the soft smile. The girl he had slowly grown closer to over the last few months, the girl who he finally asked on a date today. The girl who's father didn't approve of people like John, who lived where John lived. With the family John had, with the lack of social standing John possessed.

Sarah felt the fury rise in her breast. The overwhelming instinctive feeling of protectiveness grow inside her, desperately clamouring to protect the child in front of her, her child, her son.

For half a moments the soldier in Sarah tried to locate and identify the threat. Before the mother in her realised that this was what she really feared all these years, these were the hurts she couldn't protect her son from. The bullets she couldn't jump in front of. The instinct in her was no longer to protect the soldier, but to protect the boy.

In the absence of the mission.

With the lack of a threat.

Sarah had become a mother.

That night Sarah had her first nightmare in years. In the morning she knew it was time to go.

Sarah listened to the plea in her sons voice.

He needed this to end. He needed to fight back to try and stop this. He wasn't content with leading the army out of the ashes.

He didn't want the ashes to exist in the first place. He didn't want to save a million lives, he wanted to save 4 billion.

Sarah looked at his face and flashbacked to the first time she had ever seen him.

He had her mothers eyes, people would say hers, but she knew better, hers were hard and cold when she looked into Johns she saw the love and compassion she had always seen in her mothers. He had his fathers jaw strong, steady, controlled and his fathers build, at times she was convinced she even saw elements of Ginger in him, with his sarcastic wit and good humour.

Ginger, Kyle, Mom all given up for the cause, her youth had went the same way, as had John's childhood.

He had never lived the life he deserved, with baseball games and bikes, instead he had learned chess like a pro, had trekked through jungles, could take apart and put together a gun the way people take off their shoes, and he didn't complain.

He accepted all of this with the calm steady resolve that was uniquely him, that didn't come from anyone else.

The only time he raged, complained, cried was for those who couldn't be saved, he felt every life lost like a personal failure.

She had given birth to a son who had always been destined to be great.

If it hadn't been judgement day, perhaps he would have been a senator, or a lawyer fighting for equal rights, or a doctor working in the corners of the world everyone else feared to go.

He would always have raged against the machines, be they real or literal.

And now he was asking for her help, to keep fighting, to rage alongside him, to feel, to try, to hope.

Sarah couldn't refuse, her son needed her. They would fight, she would learn to hope again, she would rage against the machines with her son, and maybe someday they may even win.

Over the years that followed many people followed John Conner, many people followed him with their hearts and their minds into unknown battlefields and many people made the pledge to die for him.

One woman lived and died for him.

Sarah Conner

His Mother

finite

Notes : ok this is my frist fanfic in about 8 years and my first ever for SCC. I would appreciate all views thoughts comments. I have other plot bunnies racing through my head and would love to see how this is received and learn from this first.

I have to apologise for any spelling/grammer mistakes, these are all mine I have to beta, if anyone knows of any good SCC beta groups or anyone would be willing to Beta, please give me a shout.

This came to me because I wanted to explore the change between hard, cold Sarah of T2 and Sarah of SCC.


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